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Archive for the ‘Doug Stanhope’ Category

Doug Stanhope will not seek LP nomination

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

Just received an email announcing that Stanhope will not seek the LP nomination for prez. From his My Space page:

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Stanhope in ‘08 Has Quit in ‘07!

May 1st, 2007

Stanhope in ‘08 has Quit in ‘07!

We’re done, at least so far as being a candidate.

For all of our false optimism, forced enthusiasm and the tireless effort of a small team of close friends, we couldn’t get past the wall of bureaucracy.

The Federal Election Commision proved insurmountable in their spiderweb of legal fingerfucking. The idea that I could run an effective campaign rested on the fact that I tour constantly for a living and have a built-in audience & media wherever I go. FEC rules would not allow for me to campaign at paid gigs while also retaining a personal income from those shows.

If I can’t recruit from my shows, I’m about as effective as standing on a milk crate in the city park.

Even our crafty attempts at creating our own loopholes in the laws - like jailhouse attorneys trying to invent and employ makeshift last-minute defenses - still came up short in the face of the Federal Election Commision.

The system is set up to keep the two-party monopoly as free from competition as possible. The penalties for fucking up with FEC rules make IRS penalties look like fetish spankings and I fuck up quite a bit.

The other problem was simply in making the whole thing fun. The more rules, paperwork and bullshit we’d run into the less creative and funny it was becoming. The process started to feel like when we had to “clean it up” for the Man Show - and we all know how well that worked out.

Our intention in this campaign was to try to get media attention for the Libertarian Party and we have no intention of giving up that campaign. It’s frustrating to see this country bordering on totalitarianism and having viable options like the Libertarians completely blacked out.

We’ll still put our efforts into getting the LP into the mainstream and\ eventually get behind a candidate. But it was better to bail now before announcing as opposed to plowing through with our pants half down only to fall apart later, looking like complete shitheads at the expense of the Party.

The amount of high-level people that went out of their way to support us was amazing. On the day that we have our shit together - more organized and better prepared to deal with the powers that be - we may just take another stab at it.

So jump on board, join the Libertarian Party (www.lp.org) and stay involved. We still plan on making some noise this year and turning the Libertarian National Convention in Denver next May into the Animal House of the Next Revolution.

Be sure to get on our mailing list so you can get involved in the trouble we’ll be causing.

***************************

For those of you with Stanhope in 08 t-shirts, I promise I will try to die in some horrible fashion that makes them vaulable some day.

The one I feel the most responsibility to is the chick who I don’t even know, who tattooed Stanhope in 08 on her shoulder.

We’ll fly you down to our tattoo guy in Tampa and pay to have it redone when we play there in November. Maybe we can make it say “Sanjaya in ‘08″. Or maybe I’ll run for a local water commisioner post in ‘08 and you’ll look like you’re extremely over-zealous about low-level local politics.

***********************

Many people have said that it doesn’t matter who you vote for, that the whole game is rigged. That’s why our next project will be to start our own Illuminati, Skull & Bones and New World Order that will secretly control the current New World Order without them even knowing.

Our secret society will be so secret that many of it’s member will not even know they are members. America has laws against monopolies and there is no reason that there cannot be free market competition when it comes to covert, world-ruling cabals and all-powerful, mystical fraternities.

******************************

My deepest thanks to all who went out of your way for this truncated attempt at giving the whole system the finger. We still intend to say “Fuck You” loudly and repeatedly. We’ll just have to find more unique, exciting and unregulated ways to do it.

No matter who is elected to what man-made office or put on whatever throne, you are still the leader of your own free world.

Stick around.

stanhope

Hat Tip/A. Keaton

Update: The Washington Times picked up the Stanhope story.

Stand-up comedian and Libertarian Party presidential candidate Doug Stanhope is dropping out of the presidential race. Most of you are probably asking yourself, “Who is Doug Stanhope and why should I care?”

Stanhope says he is withdrawing from the race because of Federal Elections Commission rules that prevent him from discussing his political views while simultaneously earning an income from his comedic performances.

In an e-mail to supporters, Stanhope writes: “For all of our false optimism, forced enthusiasm and the tireless effort of a small team of close friends, we couldn’t get past the wall of bureaucracy.”…

…I’d print more of the letter, but most of it isn’t fit for a family newspaper (or Web site, as the case may be).

Stanhope is scheduled to appear on the Howard Stern Show tomorrow to announce his withdrawal from the race.

Stanhope, whose MySpace page says he was running on a platform of, “Revolution, prison reform, conspiracy theories and beating incredible odds,” promises to back the eventual Libertarian Party nominee.

Doug Stanhope on Freedom

Friday, April 27th, 2007

TiGirl recently told you that Doug Stanhope will officially announce his candidacy for the Libertarian Party presidential nomination on Howard Stern’s Sirius show on May 3rd.

Aside from my silly fantasies of ’shroom love and trampoline bouncing, I think Stanhope has a little something. Please enjoy Stanhope’s “freedom rant” courtesy of You Tube.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FM-KwdgSIyA]

Stanhope to Wow Millions On May 3, 2007

Thursday, April 26th, 2007

Stanhope

Doug Stanhope will be officially announcing his candidacy on Sirius Channel 100 on May 3,2007.

 

Via a mass email that I received earlier today:

April 25, 2007

Announcing my candidacy on May 3rd, 2007 on Stern and MySpace. Stay tuned and get involved.

~Stanhope

I happen to have a huge crush on Doug Stanhope. I have a thing for guys that are hot, like to drink, identify with libertarianism and make me laugh. Stanhope has this in common with my super sexy husband. I could never figure out why women were so obsessed (or still obsessed) with Bill Clinton. Is it cool to say that Stanhope could be the “New Clinton”? Frankly, Clinton is too cavalier for my tastes. One thing is certain, girls like me will go wild!

 

UPDATE: I just found the post below on Stanhopes website. I think H.L. Mencken would like his forthcoming manner. I love it when people come right out and say what they think! Did I mention that I have a thing for rebels? This is getting more exciting by the minute!

 

Dear Government -

This is your last warning.

I’m all set to announce my candidacy for President in 2008 on May 3rd. I’m giving you one last offer to settle out of court.

If you consent to let me and a few friends into the New World Order, we will agree to give up this inevitable takeover.

Honestly, people can’t remain this inactive against an increasingly totalitarian government forever. Anytime now they will get tired of you suffocating them and they’ll rise up against you.

We can usurp the coming revolution but it’s gonna cost you.

You have until May 3rd, 2007 to extend me an invitation to the Illuminati, Skull & Bones and wherever else you shitheads go to get beer after 2 am.

Otherwise, I’m going legit on the Libertarian ticket and you pricks are going to start seeing people get wise, get up and start kicking you in your oppressive asses.

~stanhope